“If you believe that someone is better than you, you will never be the best” My mom would say this to me all the time when I was growing up. I was a smart child and knew I wasn’t great at everything especially sports but no one ever had the pleasure of taking away my confidence at what I knew I excelled in.
I was a very fortunate child to grow up with three strong women and a father who alongside telling me I was beautiful also nurtured my brain. They trained me to be a strong woman. There are cracks of course but the foundation they set for me is strong and deep rooted. I am thankful for them every day. It’s because of their work that I have always felt that I was worth it.
There have been many times in my life where people have tried to knock me down. I have been too skinny and too fat. My boobs have been too big and then too small. Too abrasive, too soft spoken. There have also been many times where a person has tried to break me and my confidence by reflecting their insecurities on me “You’re so fake. You’re not white. What are you doing with those people? You don’t belong.” What these toxic people did not know was that I was built for this. My mom used to call it “pero” (“but”) people. If someone added a “pero” then they were purposely trying to bring you down. Here’s an example, “Your husband is such a great guy but I could never be with a guy like that.” Another example, “Your job is so cool but I could never be away from my kids.” Since my ear was trained to listen for this keyword I immediately recognized what the person’s agenda was and categorized them under Hateration. Train your girls to recognize negative people. Not everyone is nice. Not everyone wants what’s best for you. Don’t allow anyone to shatter her foundation. It’s your job to kiss her boo boos but it’s also your job to build her awareness of reality.
My friends always wondered how I could keep my heart separate from my brain and it wasn’t that I could keep the two separate it was that I knew my self-worth. I was not going to waste time with a man that didn’t appreciate me. I wasn’t going to give just anyone a piece of my heart, especially if they didn’t’ deserve it. You don’t go into Hermes to buy a Birkin with Coach money and the price on my heart was (and still is) as coveted and exclusive as a crocodile skin Birkin.
This post was inspired by people telling me I am too honest with my daughters and I understand how to an outsider it may seem that I am tough but my girls are happy, they are more than just smart, they are brilliant and I am filling in their strong and deep rooted concrete foundation so that they can one day grow and know they are also worth it because they are the best.